Gender dysphoria is a type of distress to do with our bodies, how others are perceiving us or our gender. People have so many different experiences with gender dysphoria and feeling dysphoric and not every trans person experiences dysphoria. People may find when they are able to access affirming healthcare or therapy or community their dysphoria lessens and it may change at various points in your journey!
This small toolkit is some psychological tools for coping with gender dysphoria on a day to day basis. This toolkit is by no means definitive and helping with gender dysphoria may require community support, medical transition and/or therapy. I do hope that this might help as a place to start in navigating this complex experience.
1. Figure out how dysphoria feels to you
Dysphoria can be such a different experience from person to person, perhaps it makes you feel numb or fearful or depressed. Can you identify what happens in your body when you experience dysphoria? Is there a sinking in your stomach, a knot in your throat or does your heart rate increase? Pay attention to what thoughts come up when you experience dysphoria, does your mind go empty, do you beat yourself up, do you feel the need to escape? Try not to judge your own experience, try to accept it in that moment and simply observe and perhaps take note of what happens as an initial step.
2. Identify your triggers
Once you’ve figured out how you experience dysphoria, begin to think about what may trigger this for you. It could be things like seeing yourself in a mirror or in a photograph, being intimate with someone, being naked, seeing family members, going clothes shopping or being in a new work or social situation. You might find that you experience gender dysphoria randomly or in none of the above situations also. Try grading your experience of dysphoria in different situations from 1-10 to identify any patterns. Dysphoria can also be compounded by other areas of your life such as work or relationship stress, money troubles, burnout, discrimination or oppression.
3. Focus on right now
Once you have identified how dysphoria shows up for you and your potential triggers you can begin to address it in the present moment. The first step of this is acknowledging what you are feeling, this can be as simple as saying to yourself ‘I am experiencing dysphoria right now’, whilst dysphoria can be an all encompassing experience/ feeling try and frame it as something that you are experiencing in that current moment that will eventually pass. To cope with the distress in that moment you can experiment with what works for you, perhaps it is calling a friend or practising breathing techniques or distracting yourself with an activity you love, this is highly individual and will take a bit of trial and error! Be open to the possibility that something could help you get through this moment.
4. Practical solutions
There is a wealth of knowledge both online and within our communities for practical ways of coping with gender dysphoria. Perhaps this is seeking medical healthcare, or binding or tucking or changing what you wear or voice training. Explore novel practical solutions that might work for you such as making a video game character with your ideal name and clothes, or story telling with friends. Educating yourself on the origins of the gender binary and looking at different gender presentations in your particular culture can also help.
5. Seek support
Dysphoria can be an incredibly isolating experience but it isn’t something you have to go through alone. Invest time in finding a supportive community that you can talk to about your experiences with. Talk to someone, whether that's your therapist, your mentor, your community, your family or a helpline, the more you talk the more you will be able to understand your own experience and gain help and clarity in moving through it.